My Legacy Is Love

   I have thought a lot about Corvid-19. I have considered how I would react if I became sick, and eventually died. I want to write a little bit about my thoughts relating to this scenario.

   First off, I want to say that I am not afraid of death. I'm not scared of the mysterious unknown of afterlife that will follow, be it heaven and hell, reincarnation, empty existence, or whatever the true afterlife holds. I am, however, afraid of suffering. I'm afraid of being alone as I pass away from the mortal realm. I'm afraid of leaving this plane and being forgotten, the legacy I built with my entire life blowing away in the wind as the ashes that will remain after my passing.

   My legacy that I choose to leave behind is love. Also, strength. But primarily, if I were to die tomorrow, I beg all of you to remember me and to reach out and love everyone you can. Love is one of the most powerful things you can bring to each other. It is so essential to life and survival.

   I'm not afraid of passing away. I'm afraid of not being here to bring love to so many lonely people. There are so many out there who are judged, and hated, and ignored simply because they don't fit the normal standards for attraction. The most amazing thing you can do is let go of everything you think you love about people, and just reach out to everyone.

   I have learned that I can love all kinds of people who I never thought I would be as close to as I have been. I have loved a homeless man. I have loved a badass self-acclaimed bitch. I have loved the young and the old, and many in between. I have loved neurotypical and highly unusual folk. I loved someone with a lycan spirit, someone who bonded with a demon, and a few Christians in my time. I've loved people from so many paths and walks of life.

   The lesson I want you to take from this, is love doesn't care if you are a dark or light soul. Love doesn't care what entities you bond with or worship. If you give it enough room, love can be anyone.

If I died tomorrow, my last wish is that all of you love as many people as you can. And don't ever stop. Love more people every day. Tell people about the things you love about them. Mention their nice hair, their awesome outfit, their captivating eyes. But... try not to tell someone they have a cute butt... unless you're very close. ^.^

The world needs more love. And I need all of you to give it.
Stay safe. Be careful. Give all the love.
Blessed Be.

Acceptance and Nonjudgment

   Something I still see people have an issue with is accepting others without a million judgments. People want to control how people dress, talk, act, and what they teach to others. This is unfair to the people being judged, as it takes away from their individuality and replaces it with self-doubt. And yet, these same people want the freedom of choosing their own actions, words, and education without being judged or controlled.

Hippocracy at it's finest. However, many people who do this, don't even realize the cause and effect that they create. They believe they're trying to defend others, or right the world, or tear away what they believe are untruths.

And sometimes they kick the hornet's nest.

I want to personally add a couple of thoughts on my introduction to disbelieve vs. acceptance. I have a hard time believing in possession. I don't really believe in the devil. I feel like more often than not, people associate demons with things they don't have anything to do with. I don't really feel like angels are a thing... maybe.

Now take that last paragraph and link it to the next one and think really hard on it.

I accept all people who work with demons, angels, possession, and more. I even accept people who believe they are "powerful wizards from a long line of wizards who can bring down mountains."
Yes, that's been a thing a few times. I've smiled and nodded and told these people I have no idea how to guide them. I did not turn them away. i accepted them and let them know I was not on their level. and then I let them be.

It is not my job to choose their path. It is not my job to tell them what to believe. 

So, therefore, I do not have to criticize people who believe in things I don't understand or have faith in. One of my friends deals with possessions. A few friends of mine, AT LEAST, deal with demons. And at least one is a necro. And I still love them. Because they are amazing, friendly, and wonderful people. I set aside their beliefs and I love them for who they are.

The world needs more of this.

What I am really trying to say, what I want people to openly take from this is, let people be who they are. They might still be amazing, even if you don't understand their path.

I love so many of you, and my heart doesn't ever stop growing to fill all the new people I keep meeting. So please find it within yourselves to allow others to grow without the little dark stickers of doubt and judgment you stick on them. We need to become the best versions of ourselves, which is made all the more difficult with pressure and negativity from out peers.

For those who read this post to the end, thank you and I hope you gained much insight from these words. I'm open to any and all conversations on the subject, as long as you stay away from toxic comments and negative criticism. That said, I'm open to positive criticism and opposing opinions for my own self-reflection.

Sincerely,
Nymph.

Adulthood At Last

   I finally reached adulthood. I work at a job I hate, just to scratch a few dollars together. There is no pride in a job like this. It's just too many things and too little time. Work, work, work. Clean up, wrap up, body aches, go home. We close up long after our official closing time, because I'm just not that fast. And I know they're disappointed. Every... single... day.

   My own life is equally unpleasant. Most of the time, my friends are so busy living their lives, they forget I'm still here, missing them. Missing positive social time. I'd love to go for coffee and drinks, but over the last several years, I can't even get a handful of friends to visit for my birthday. So, sometimes I ask. Usually I don't. They're just too busy to make the trip.

   Adulthood is about being tired, depressed, and over-all just hating every single day of your life. I worked really, really hard to stay upbeat and positive, and not let life get me down. I refused to grow up. I was youthful, playful, and silly. I don't even have time anymore to play online, and be silly there. All I do is work now. And I still don't have a car. All this work, and it's nowhere near enough to be able to truly live. I literally can't even obtain 2 jobs.

This is adulthood.

Soul Vs. Goal

Soul Vs. Goal

In this world, money is everything, and you need a car to make it really happen. But at what cost? What will you give up to realize your dreams, or even to make a little extra cash and open new opportunities for you?

I recently had started a job that would mean $300/week and help shopping for my first car. I'm 36 years old and my job experience is that of a teenager, so naturally, this seemed like a deal that was too good to be true.

And it was.

A week in, I don't even want to work anymore. Every day, I go to this lady's house in a car that smells of rot and sweat and too much heat. I arrive at this very large house with a long drive and a turnaround near the steps. The very much worn and broken steps that are in severe need of repair. The porch is littered with old, rusted art and empty pots, some pots filled with the dead and the dying.

And thus my experience begins:
I approach the front door and enter the house. The door struggles to properly close. The house is too warm. There is a closet before me without a door. There are mops and brooms, and other things inside but I can't get to them because of a large, headless statue and a divider.

Most of the time I fold clothes. She is happy. I occasionally do other chores as well. But I'm always too warm, I never know where anything goes, and I don't have any idea where any tools are in which I might use to make the work more efficient. But I do the best that I can.

The energy in the house is oppressive and stifling. I feel muted. I feel small. It's a very uncomfortable energy which makes my own alignment sick and I feel ill after each day of work. Not a physical ill, but more an energy ill, like as if someone has poisoned my energy well.

I finish my job each day, and wait for the car to come, so I can climb back into the oppressive heat and... that smell. Oh gods that smell. I'm surprised it never made me retch. I go to my main job to work 4 hours, and for most of that shift, I am aware that that smell is still on my clothes, my skin....

I am tired all afternoon, after that morning job. It drains so much energy. It makes my body and my mind tired. Even the boss at my main job sees how it affects me. I cannot help it. Poisoned energy really affects every other part of the body.

I go home, exhausted after a way too long day. I play mindless games until I can sleep. I still sometimes catch a whiff of that smell. I sleep. I wake up the next day and I do it again. I wait outside my building for the car, the oppressive heat. The smell.

The last day I worked for her, I was late for my other job. I got talked to twice about it. I hated it. I'd reminded her several times that morning that I had to work later. I was not happy, my main-job boss was not happy, and after I spoke with her about it, she was not happy.

After, she took much of my attention away from other customers at my main job (mind you, I was off the clock, in terms of working for her) to ask multiple questions and request my help with things which I wasn't needed. But my choice was to be rude, or to help. Finally, she bought a couple of flowers and left. I sighed my relief.

I worked my shift, eating some pizza my manager had left on the counter, and drinking a water I'd grabbed out of the storage room. The first of both I'd had since breakfast. (I ate at 9am, and this was at 4pm.) I went home, after getting a LOT of work done on the lot, and rested in the kitchen while I heated some more food. I hadn't eaten much at work.

Before I was finished fixing my physical state, I got a text from the lady, saying that I didn't do the job I'd worked so hard on that day. There were pictures. The work looked properly done, except the one piece I couldn't complete because of lack of proper tools.  That was the last straw. After all she'd put me through that day I couldn't take this with grace. I was done selling pieces of my soul for a promise of wealth and transportation.

I was never that kind of girl anyway.
I won't sacrifice my self for money and a car.

P.S. When I think back on this experience, I sometimes think I still smell that smell.